On relationships and giving

Sometime last year, someone asked when I was going to write an article about relationships or love🤣

Honestly, that question made me laugh so hard - for many reasons which I prefer not to share. But I’ll tell you one.

That is, I didn’t think I had anything to say. Plus it’s not a topic I like to talk about openly (oh, I think I just gave 2 reasons). I do talk about it with some of my friends but I leave it at that.

Anyway, I told that person I may talk about it some day in the future. And here we are. Not even a year yet.

I’ve been reading and learning and now I think I have something to say:

Love gives.

Is it time? Effort? Gifts? Support? Presence? Resources? I could go on and on.

But really, love gives. That’s simply it.

I’m writing in the context of romantic relationships because that’s what the person asked but I also want to make it open to every other relationship because love is love. The rules of love do not really change, though the actions may, depending on the type of relationship.

So yes, love gives.

I’ve read about this in many places. But the one that gave me the idea for this piece is the novel, The Catch by Lauren H. Mae.

First of all, let me just say the book was so so sooooo good. I enjoyed every bit of it and I got over it after a week or so😭 (Thanks P, for all the book recs. They’re the best 💕

As I read, it hit me that if this relationship between Josh and Cat was going to work, then something had to give, a sacrifice or compromise of some sort had to be made — for the sake of love.

Before I get to the book, I want to highlight the 5 love languages: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch.

You can read about them in Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. Or learn about the 5 love languages  here.

There’s this thing they say about loving people in their love language and not yours.

How does the person on the other end want to be loved?

Do they like to be served? Do they want gifts? Do they need affirmations? Etc.

I believe knowing this will show you what kind of compromise you have to make or what you have to give.

I say this because until you know how someone wants to be loved, you may be giving things you think you should give. But that’s probably not what the person wants so they will not feel loved enough.

Back to the book. I realised after Josh and Cat broke up for good and Josh walked away, to bring them back together, someone between them had to do something — give something, to make this work.

And it had to be the lady because God knows the man had been trying and even compromising in a way. Amid his fears, he wanted to give this a shot. He wanted to make this work so he had to try. His friends even mentioned it a couple of times.

Well, Josh fell ill and Cat found herself in his house - cooking and serving him, even when he told her not to. Though he wanted her to be there, he also didn’t want to be left again.

Anyway. Long story short. I think Cat choosing to take care of him and serve him when he explicitly told her to leave and that he could care for himself and had been doing it all his life, saved their relationship.

That statement he made about caring for himself and what was said after that made me realise, being cared for mattered to him. He wanted to be loved that way. So acts of service meant a lot to him.

And Cat gave that even though she hardly ever did those things for herself. Her friend was surprised when she told her she was cooking for him.

Of course, there was more to it and you can find out in the book, but this is something I picked.

Bonus: Love forgives.

In all this, I think it is all very scary. Because when and how do you know you have to give something so significant or make a very big compromise and forgive and decide to stay and not leave?

It is very scary. Even in the book, Cat made a very significant compromise and gave something away only for the man to not do same after they had agreed on something.

But the second time she did, it brought her back to the love of her life and they lived happily ever after.

I hope when you do decide to give for the sake of love, it brings you so much joy and comfort✨

What are your thoughts on relationships and giving? Please comment below☺️

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PS: The greatest demonstration of love in the history of mankind is God giving his only begotten son to die for the sin of man so we could be reconciled with him.

”No one has greater love [no one has shown stronger affection] than to lay down (give up) his own life for his friends.“ — John‬ ‭15‬:‭13‬ ‭AMPC‬‬

He loved us. So he gave up his son and let him die a painful and shameful death for our sake.

We may not be able to give up our lives. But there’s always something we can give for love <3